My Beard Works at Sears
|season = 46|number = 30|writer = Greatlegoman29 Matt11111|director = Greatlegoman29|previous = Colossal Donuts!|next = Lucario!}} is an episode of The Mario Show season 46. Script Scene 1 Mario and Luigi are playing Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. Mario: Hey Luigi, my beard works at Sears. Luigi: You don't have a beard. Mario: Exactly. How can a beard get a job without the rest of the body? Luigi: You... shaved it? Mario: That's right. Since my shaved beard was dying and Sears is dying, you should notice the correlation. Luigi: Hmm. Makes sense. Luigi turns on his "Typical Intelligent Online Person" mode in his mustache. Luigi: I thought Sears went out of business 10 years ago. Mario: Shut up, son! Sears is still here. Are you ignorant, or what? Luigi: Blah blah blah, liberals are ignorant, blah blah blah, I won't let my kids get a phone, let alone a feature phone until they're 21 and out of the house, blah blah, blah, Netflix killed television from the beginning, blah blah blah, McMansions are ugly bland houses, blah blah blah... Mario shuts the mode off. Luigi: Whaaaaat? Anyway, this is interesting. Must head to Sears to see him. Mario: Alright, let's go. Scene 2 In the car... Luigi: I have to confess. Mario: For what? Luigi: For saying anything controversial when I was in that mode. Narrarator (singing): FOURTH WALL BREAK! Mario: Which wall is the fourth one? And wouldn't that be technically impossible for you to remember? Luigi: The ingredients for it didn't include amnesia... Mario: Well, no welp. It's at least a good thing. Luigi: Actually finish it off. Mario: Well, here we are. No welp! Scene 3 Luigi: Mario, it looks like our Sears is going out of business. Waluigi (in background): NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! SEARS, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO CLOSE! I always want my one and only overalls that actually have that perfect little patch, and Sears has them! Wario (in background): Guess we'll be going the next 30 miles to our next store, which will be rumored to close at the end of the year. Mario: Hmm... this is weird. Wonder if I'll have to keep my beard, as the only other place that he can work at is the town's Kmart. Luigi. Fancy question. I guess he will work there, after all. Mario and Luigi enter the store. Scene 4 Sears employee: Hi, welcome to Sears. Do you want to sign up for the Shop Your Way rewards program? Mario: Hmm... No thanks, it might duplicate my phone's email spam. Sears employee: But we'll help you save! Mario: I'll see later. Luigi: Do you see that? They're selling wigs at Sears! Mario: Don't you mean my beard? Luigi: No, really! Mario glimpses to see if they are wigs. Mario: Guess Sears wanted to use some space after spinning off their hundredth brand/service/whatever. Luigi: At least they've still got something to profit off of. Mario: Which will only be temporary. Luigi: Which is right. Mario: Which makes for BORING CONSERVATIONS! Luigi: More like boring conversations, but oh well. Mario: Oh look! My beard is lying on the checkout counter. Luigi: Hello, Mario's beard! Mario's beard: *rustle* Mario: Hmm. Why is he working here? Is he trying to be Sears' new mascot? Luigi: I guess... After all, this is what is happening in real-time. (switches into his TIOP mode) Luigi: I can't believe this is what Sears has boiled down to. After all, Amazon is much better than any other retailers and is the ONLY place I will do shopping these days. Mario: Ugh, not again. Luigi: Blah blah blah... WHY AM I EVEN HERE IN THIS TOMB THAT I FORGOT EXISTED? Mario: I guess it's time to remove the function from your mustache. The screen goes to a "Please Stand By" style warning message. Narrarator: This scene is deleted due to anything that might result in YouTuber TheMysteriousMrEnter covering this another installment of his "Animated Atrocities" series and spawning dozens of scorecards negatively reviewing this episode. Scene 5 Luigi: Well, I've got the chip for it in my pocket. Mario: It's no welp, when it's gone and hidden from the viewer. Right? Luigi: It isn't a stubbed toenail or a horribly creepy face, at least. Mario: Alright, enough is enough. Take it out and don't zoom in on it. 1 minute later... Luigi: Hmm... What do I do with this doohickey now? Mario: What if you stick it onto something for laughs, and then smash it when you're done? Luigi: Great idea! What if we make a fake talking mustache? Mario: Don't you realize we already have a beard? Luigi: Like all people who run blogs, I'm afflicted with short-term memory loss. Plus, technically, like everything else, it's called a m'o'ustache too. Mario: Whatever, let's just tack it on with an identity. Scene 6 Mario: Alright, there's my beard! Mario's Beard: *rustle* *swipe* Mario: Just another inanimate object. Luigi: Really proves that Sears is dead now. Wait, should we be actually installing it? Mario: I guess... Category:Randomness Category:Mario Category:Scripts Category:The Mario Show Category:Wario Category:Waluigi